i messed up (big time)… ~ journal ramblings ~

the sun didn’t rise like they said it would. this dark fog that hung before me now threatened to completely consume me. like a great roaring train, it bore down in my eyes, hungrily looking for something to devour. i couldn’t run. i couldn’t move. all i could do was stand and look at what was coming. i was powerless. totally helpless. all i wanted to do was die. i pleaded and screamed with this thing inside me to let me go. to set me free from all this hell i felt i was living in. thoughts flew through my head, a million miles an hour. i couldn’t imagine that anyone would miss me if i went. no one would care if i took my own life. i believed they would be more happy without me. if i was completely gone, then i wouldn’t mess up anymore. i wouldn’t hurt anyone i loved. i’d be free from life. i’d be free from myself.

but Someone thought differently…

~ ~ ~

what you just read probably doesn’t make much sense. it’s an old entry i found in my journal that i wrote a couple of years ago when i was going through an especially hard time. for some reason i felt that i needed to share it here.

depression and suicidal thoughts are serious things, and all too common in the world we live in today. so please, take the time to check up on someone. ask them how they’re doing and do something to make them feel loved, accepted, and precious.

you never know, you could possibly save a life.

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