i messed up (big time)… ~ journal ramblings ~

the sun didn’t rise like they said it would. this dark fog that hung before me now threatened to completely consume me. like a great roaring train, it bore down in my eyes, hungrily looking for something to devour. i couldn’t run. i couldn’t move. all i could do was stand and look at what was coming. i was powerless. totally helpless. all i wanted to do was die. i pleaded and screamed with this thing inside me to let me go. to set me free from all this hell i felt i was living in. thoughts flew through my head, a million miles an hour. i couldn’t imagine that anyone would miss me if i went. no one would care if i took my own life. i believed they would be more happy without me. if i was completely gone, then i wouldn’t mess up anymore. i wouldn’t hurt anyone i loved. i’d be free from life. i’d be free from myself.

but Someone thought differently…

~ ~ ~

what you just read probably doesn’t make much sense. it’s an old entry i found in my journal that i wrote a couple of years ago when i was going through an especially hard time. for some reason i felt that i needed to share it here.

depression and suicidal thoughts are serious things, and all too common in the world we live in today. so please, take the time to check up on someone. ask them how they’re doing and do something to make them feel loved, accepted, and precious.

you never know, you could possibly save a life.


a re-start (to say the least)

after a long, rather stressful time trying to sort out the problems i’ve been having with WordPress, i finally managed to figure it all out, and am back ‘on track’ so to speak… but the downside of the whole thing is that every other post i’ve done had to be deleted in the process… so hear i am again at the beginning :/


which may not actually be a bad thing. as you all know, i am a terrible blogger. let’s face it. i hardly post, it takes me ages to reply to everyone’s comments, and all my posts are really boring and oh-so-all-the-same… but i mean for that to change. like, for real. i can’t promise anything amazing and totally awe-inspiring, but this blog is going to be different. and i’m super excited. so many brilliant post ideas are already forming in my mind, waiting to be written down and spend a heck of a long time in the draft folder before being deleted be posted where you can read them and let me know your thoughts. 🙂


so, if you’ve read this far, why not keep going? hit that follow button (or do whatever this crazy WordPress thingy has that allows you to follow blogs) or just whack the address into a dusty ‘to read’ folder on your internet and come back in 2 years… just kidding. that was an awful joke. stick around and follow if you think you could bear it, or just pop back occasionally if you so feel inclined. join in the ride. it’s gonna be interesting to say the least.